Dear Mama,

What should I do? My boyfriend just paid for my boob job and now he says that my “tatas” belong to him forever! Mama, this makes me kinda uncomfortable. I mean I love the guy, but what if we break up? Does he still get get to come over and feel me up anytime he wants? If we don’t get married, should I think about making him Godfather to my first born, so if he wants to feel me up, you know, it’s not so weird? Thank you Mama for helping me decide the best thing to do. God Bless.
Beautiful Boobs, LV

Dear Beautiful Boobs,

Thank you for allowing Mama to help you with this. First of all, the Godfather idea….honey, good idea but it won’t work. Ask Mama some other time why and I will share my own personal experience with you. This is not the problem that you think it is. OK, here’s what you do, marry this guy. Have a coupla kids too. 
You know, so your boobies get kinda saggy. If you are married to him he will eventually get tired of you and your boobs. And when he does, he will find a mistress and will buy her new boobs……bang, you’re off the hook. By the way honey, when you leave him take him for everything he’s got. That is just a an extra little tip for you. God bless you.

MAMA