I am at the end of my rope! I lost all my money in the stock market…..I was flying high, expensive cars, vacation homes, you name it, all gone. On top of all this, my beautiful “high maintenance” girlfriend, who I truly love, by the way, wants to leave me. She says she still loves me too, but she can’t be with me without the money. What can I do to make her stay with me until I get back on my feet, because I will!

Broke and Brokenhearted in LV

Dear Broke,

This is a very sad story, losing all your money I mean. Mama is not worried about you though. I have a “feeling you will be back on your feet in no time”. I will light a candle….
Now as far as your goldiggin’ hussy of a girlfriend, her leavin’ you is a blessing! She was gonna leave you anyways, (Mama knows these things). I just hope you didn’t buy her too many pretty things when you were together. Now listen, here’s what you need to do. Send me a piece of her nappy hair ( I’ll send you an address in a private email) I will create a little “Karma” for Miss When Things Get Rough, I Get Goin’. Don’t mention this to anyone, got it? Let’s see how happy your “former’ girlfriend will be when she she’s dealin” with uncontrolable bowel issues. God Bless you, Honey. 

Love,
Mama