I’m feeling alot today. It’s one of those days that all i want to do is listen to music, and constantly check in with myself to see how I’M feeling. I try to talk myself outta the pain convincing myself that it’ll be better soon, that there’s something better around the corner, and while i know that in my heart, cuz time after time it has been proven true, i can’t help but feel sad, mad, fucking pissed off, hurt, deceived. I go over shit in my mind and i wonder how i didnt see it before, even though i did, i just didnt want to admit it. I’m a smart girl that falls for stupid guys over and over again. I’m too intense one told me. The other wants to remain friends…really, seriously? wtf?

I feel this way today, i’m not sure i’ll feel like this tomarrow or next week but right now i feel like poop. it never ceases to amaze me how much we as humans need and long to love and be loved. I  just want Love, real true honest Love! I want that feeling, i want to be felt that way about mutually. I’m holding out for nothing but that. I gave up a great, great man to go and find this feeling, so i better find it, i’m not giving up!

i forgive her for being manipulative, i can forgive. i forgive myself for letting my guard down, you have to risk. i forgive him for being stupid, all because i have to cuz in the end the only one it hurts is me. i have to get this out, i have to. I seriously feel like i grown a tough skin, like my heart has become calloused from all the times it’s been nicked, and bruised. The scars have created a casing an impenetrable one, where not even the most significant jolt can jostle it. I’m finally, totally, and utterly Numb…

Hope i didnt depress yall, I visited my boy’s blog and he turned me on to this dude, check him out.

Thx Shane for making me laugh, and thx Airto for the cover…love it!