I DON’T GET IT, I JUST DON’T GET IT. WHY DO MEN CHEAT?  WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND FLIPPED THE CHANNEL TO “THE VIEW” AND THE LEAD STORY WAS ABOUT JESSE JAMES AND SANDRA BULLOCK. i GUESS “IN TOUCH” HAD JUST RECENTLY BROKE THE STORY OF HOW HE HAD BEEN CHEATING ON HER FOR THE PAST 11 MONTHS. THIS CAME AS A COMPLETE SHOCK TO ME, ESPECIALLY AFTER SEEING THEM AT THE OSCAR’S TOGETHER ALL HUDDLED UP.  SHE SEEMED SO HAPPY AND HE SEEMED SO SINCERE, WTF?. AND THEN WHEN I SAW THE PIC OF THE TRAMP THAT HE HAD BEEN CHEATING WITH I WAS THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED! THIS TRAMP DOESN’T EVEN HOLD A CANDLE TO SANDRA IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, UGGBALLS! (AS MY FRIEND JASMINE WOULD SAY).
SO IT LED ME TO START THINKING, ESPECIALLY AFTER ALL OF MY OWN MEN/MAN-CHILDREN DEBACLES, Y DO MEN CHEAT? IS IT TRULY AN INSECURITY ISSUE? COULD JESSE NOT COPE WITH THE SUCCESS OF HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE? DID HE NEED TO HAVE HIS EGO STROKED BY SOMEONE LESSER THAN HER TO MAKE HIM FEEL WANTED AND MORE LIKE A MAN?  WAS THAT THE CASE? OR IS IT THAT ALL MEN CHEAT? COULD IT BE TRUE THAT ALL MEN HAVE A INNER DOUCHEBAG SOMEWHERE LURKING INSIDE? IDK. BUT I’M BEGINNING TO THINK IT’S TRUE. I’M LOSING FAITH IN MEN.

I WAS TALKING TO MY GIRL KARLA ABOUT IT AND SHE’S COME TO THE BITTER, SYNICAL CONCLUTION THAT ALL MEN DO IT, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE OK WITH IT. AND SHE USED THE EXAMPLE OF TROPHY-BALLER WIVES. THESE WOMEN KNOW THEIR MEN CHEAT, THEY’RE JUST OK WITH IT BECAUSE THEY’RE BEING TAKEN CARE OF FINANCIALLY. SHE MAKES A VALID POINT BUT I’M LIKE WTF? NAH AH, I’M NUMBER ONE AND ONLY FOOL, YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE OR GET OUTTA THE KITCHEN. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF FINANCIALLY ALL I NEED YOU TO DO IS BE A GOOD DADDY AND LOVE ME MORE THAN ANY OTHER WOMAN. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT THAT HUH?

WOMAN HAVE BEEN CONDONING THEIR CHEATING HUSBAND’S FOR WAY TOO MANY YEARS. IT HAS ONLY BEEN IN THE MOST RECENT DECADES THAT WE’VE BEEN PUTTING OUR FOOT DOWN AND SAYING, NOPE IT’S NOT HAPPENING.  WE AIN’T IN THE 50′S ANYMORE, AND YOU DEFINITELY AIN’T KING HENRY THE 8TH, MY HEAD IS IN NO DANGER OF BEING CHOPPED OFF IF I DON’T COMPLY, AND WHAT?!? WE HAVE CAREER’S OF OUR OWN, AND SCIENCE HAS MADE IT COMPLETELY POSSIBLE FOR US TO HAVE A CHILD WITHOUT THE PARTICIPATION OF A MAN. I’D RATHER BE ALONE AND HAPPY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, THAN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A LYING, CHEATING SON OF A BITCH.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T PLACE THE BLAME ENTIRELY ON MEN ALONE. THESE WOMEN THAT PARTICIPATE IN THE CHEATING ARE ALSO TO BLAME. THEY FULL WELL KNOW-MOST OF THE TIME-THAT THE MAN IS MARRIED AND STILL THEY GO ALONG WITH THE SITUATION. F’N WHORE’S KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED! HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELVES, HAVE SOME DIGNITY! THERE ARE PLENTY OF SINGLE MEN OUT THERE. WHY DATE OR FUCK THE ONE’S THAT ARE TAKEN? IT’S AS MUCH OF YOUR FAULT AS IT IS THEIRS. IF IT WASN’T FOR HOMEWRECKER’S THERE WOULD BE NO HOMEWRECKING…WHORE’S, KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED! ASSHOLE’S, KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS!

AIGHT I SAID MY PIECE. JESSE I’M EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. YOU SUCK BALLS!

IT’S SEEMS MORE OFTEN THEN NOT I’M BACK HERE TALKING ABOUT THIS VERY SUBJECT. LOVE.

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IT’S HOPELESS, LIKE I’M NEVER GOING TO FIND THAT ONE PERSON THAT I CAN LOVE AND WILL LOVE ME BACK IN THE VERY SAME WAY. NO MORE, NO LESS, JUST EQUAL. SO ONCE AGAIN I’M SITTING HERE WONDERING WHAT THIS WHOLE THING MEANS, AND WHY I’M STILL DEALING WITH THE SAME BULLSHIT. SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT GUYS.
WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO BE IN MY HANDS? WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE THE GUYS ALWAYS MAKE THE DESCISIONS AND THE GIRLS JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT, SWALLOW THE BITTER ASS PILL, AND GO ALONG WITH WHATEVER’S DECIDED? I WISH I DIDN’T WANT IT SO BAD, AND I WISH WELL FUCK THAT! IT’S MY LIFE TOO!
MY ACTING TEACHER SAID SOMETHING THE OTHER DAY THAT SEEMED FITTING TO THIS BLOG. SHE SAID, “YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT IS ALREADY THERE, WAITING FOR YOU IN THE FUTURE. YOU JUST HAVEN’T GOT THERE YET.”
I TRULY DO BELIEVE THIS. I JUST HOPE THAT WHEN “HE” COMES AROUND, WHOEVER “HE” MAY BE, THAT I’M NOT SOME EMPTY SHELL FROM ALL THE LOVE, TIME, AND CARING THAT I’VE GIVEN OUT TO SO MANY OTHER DOUCHECOCKS. I HOPE THAT I’M WISE ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE IT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA SAY…I FEEL TOO MUCH…I KNOW THAT. OR THAT I’M CRAZY. I DON’T THINK I’M CRAZY, JUST EMOTIONAL. I WAS NUMB FOR AWHILE AND THEN I RIPPED THE BANDAID OFF AND NOW I CAN’T STOP F’N BLEEDING. GO FIGURE.
I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN HOLDING THINGS IN CUZ IF HE DOESN’T GET IT, OR UNDERSTAND IT THEN THAT’S HIS BAD CUZ THERE’S A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE, PASSION AND SOUL IN THIS LITTLE BODY AND I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT “MAN” NOT BOY, TO GIVE IT TO. SOMEONE WHOSE MATURE, AND DESERVING OF IT. SOMEONE WHOSE READY FOR LOVE AND CAN HANDLE THE LITTLE, HOT, PASSIONATE MESS THAT I AM! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?