IT’S SEEMS MORE OFTEN THEN NOT I’M BACK HERE TALKING ABOUT THIS VERY SUBJECT. LOVE.

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IT’S HOPELESS, LIKE I’M NEVER GOING TO FIND THAT ONE PERSON THAT I CAN LOVE AND WILL LOVE ME BACK IN THE VERY SAME WAY. NO MORE, NO LESS, JUST EQUAL. SO ONCE AGAIN I’M SITTING HERE WONDERING WHAT THIS WHOLE THING MEANS, AND WHY I’M STILL DEALING WITH THE SAME BULLSHIT. SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT GUYS.
WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO BE IN MY HANDS? WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE THE GUYS ALWAYS MAKE THE DESCISIONS AND THE GIRLS JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT, SWALLOW THE BITTER ASS PILL, AND GO ALONG WITH WHATEVER’S DECIDED? I WISH I DIDN’T WANT IT SO BAD, AND I WISH WELL FUCK THAT! IT’S MY LIFE TOO!
MY ACTING TEACHER SAID SOMETHING THE OTHER DAY THAT SEEMED FITTING TO THIS BLOG. SHE SAID, “YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT IS ALREADY THERE, WAITING FOR YOU IN THE FUTURE. YOU JUST HAVEN’T GOT THERE YET.”
I TRULY DO BELIEVE THIS. I JUST HOPE THAT WHEN “HE” COMES AROUND, WHOEVER “HE” MAY BE, THAT I’M NOT SOME EMPTY SHELL FROM ALL THE LOVE, TIME, AND CARING THAT I’VE GIVEN OUT TO SO MANY OTHER DOUCHECOCKS. I HOPE THAT I’M WISE ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE IT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA SAY…I FEEL TOO MUCH…I KNOW THAT. OR THAT I’M CRAZY. I DON’T THINK I’M CRAZY, JUST EMOTIONAL. I WAS NUMB FOR AWHILE AND THEN I RIPPED THE BANDAID OFF AND NOW I CAN’T STOP F’N BLEEDING. GO FIGURE.
I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN HOLDING THINGS IN CUZ IF HE DOESN’T GET IT, OR UNDERSTAND IT THEN THAT’S HIS BAD CUZ THERE’S A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE, PASSION AND SOUL IN THIS LITTLE BODY AND I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE RIGHT “MAN” NOT BOY, TO GIVE IT TO. SOMEONE WHOSE MATURE, AND DESERVING OF IT. SOMEONE WHOSE READY FOR LOVE AND CAN HANDLE THE LITTLE, HOT, PASSIONATE MESS THAT I AM! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?