WHY IS IT THAT WHEN ONE PERSON FEELS SOMETHING SO INTENSELY THE OTHER DOESN’T? I JUST DON’T GET IT. AND TRUST ME I’VE TRIED.

I TRIED TO LOVE THEM, I TRIED TO FIX THEM, I TRIED TO GET THEM TO LOVE ME.

I’VE READ WOMEN’S MAG’S, DATING BOOKS, AND LISTENED TO DR. LAURA.

I’VE MANIPULATED. I’VE LIED. I’VE BEEN TOTALLY HONEST. I’VE BEEN TOTALLY VONREBLE.

I’VE HELD OUT, I’VE GIVEN IN. I’VE SAID FUCK THE RULES AND JUST WENT WITH THE FLOW.

I’VE REALIZED THAT THERE’S JUST NO…

THERE IS NO F’N FORMULA.

I KEEP WAITING FOR IT TO HAPPEN. I OCCUPY MY TIME WITH SCHOOL AND WORK. I TALK MYSELF OUT OF WANTING IT AT ALL. I TELL MYSELF THAT I DON’T NEED IT THAT I’D RATHER BE ALONE. BUT THEN I MEET SOMEONE AND I CONVINCE MYSELF THIS IS DIFFERENT OR I TELL MYSELF THAT I CAN CONTROL MY FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AND NOT SHOW TOO MUCH AND ACT LIKE A BITCH CUZ FOR SOME REASON MEN RESPOND TO BITCHES. I CONVINCE MYSELF THAT THIS TIME MAYBE HE’S “THE ONE” AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN…HE’S NOT! AND HERE I AM AGAIN, BLOGGING, CRYING AND POSTING SAPPY VIDEO’S…WELL AT LEAST I HAVE AN OUTLET RIGHT.

I CAN’T LIVE IN THE GREY. I HATE THE GREY. BLACK OR WHITE OR NOTHING AT ALL. JUST NO MORE GREY.

IT’S A MIDDLE COLOR. IT’S THE COLOR OF A CLOUDY DAY, GREY KEEPS OUT THE SUN. GREY HAS NO FEELINGS, GREY;S AMBIVALENT. GREY’S SWITZERLAND.