Mama is waiting!!!
Saturday, November 15th, 2008
Hey peeps, don’t forget Mama is waiting with baited breath for your Q’s.. She loves to help out!! Send questions to askmama@missfitmafia.com.. She’ll be waiting..
Saturday, November 15th, 2008
Mama Q #6
Sunday, October 12th, 2008
| Dear Mama,
I am at the end of my rope! I lost all my money in the stock market…..I was flying high, expensive cars, vacation homes, you name it, all gone. On top of all this, my beautiful “high maintenance” girlfriend, who I truly love, by the way, wants to leave me. She says she still loves me too, but she can’t be with me without the money. What can I do to make her stay with me until I get back on my feet, because I will! Broke and Brokenhearted in LV Dear Broke, This is a very sad story, losing all your money I mean. Mama is not worried about you though. I have a “feeling you will be back on your feet in no time”. I will light a candle…. Love,
|
Mama Q #5
Saturday, October 4th, 2008
| Hey Mama, Im a junior in college and doing great grade-wise. My major is physics and spanish, and, right now, I feel like I do not want to continue with physics/nor any science post-undergraduate. I love to practice bboy moves and learning languages is easy for me, as u know. What do you think, is peace corps in Spain or something likes this the thing for me…while I figure out what I want to do? Thank you mommy! Dear Junior in College, OK, Mama is going to try her best to help you. But, you didn’t tell me if you are a boy are a girl, and Mama don’t assume anymore, causes trouble you know. And you say, “but Mama what difference doesn’t that make?” And Mama says don’t talk back cuz it’s disrespectful. Mama |
Mama Q #4
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
| Dear Mama,
Some guy in a bar told my friend that you are in the Mafia for real! What’s it like to be in the Mafia? Sometimes I fantasize about it myself. Is your hubby or boyfriend a gangster or is it you Mama? Do you carry a gun? Have you ever “offed”anyone? Your secret is safe with me. Where can I sign up? Do you have a mentoring program? Thanks Mama your the best. And I really mean it, I’m not just…um, you know scared. Maggie Dear Maggie, Whoa! Hold on a minute! Maggie, honey I think you been watchin’ too much TV. Did they show Goodfellas again or something? Mama, DOES NOT have mob ties. and whoever told your friend that is a liar and needs a little “talkin’” to. Let me be clear, I am simply here to help out my girls The Mizzfits and also to help the lost souls who reach out to me on the website. Anything else you might have heard is completely false. Not to worry… as soon as we find the guy who put those nasty thoughts in your head, the girls and I will make him a friendly offer he cannot refuse to make sure he stops talkin’, I mean lying…..God Bless.Hugs and Kisses, MAMA |
Mama Q #3
Wednesday, September 24th, 2008
Dear Mama,
I’m not completely sure but I think I’m gay!! Why else would I want my best friend Todd to sleep over……with me…..in my bed? Is it possible to play “towel snap” naked after a shower with another boy and not be gay? I pluck my eyebrows and groom myself more than my cat…..what about this?
My dad ran away when I was a baby, and my mom raised me by herself. But when we are at our weekly ballroom dancing classes she insists it just a phase and that I will grow out of it…..Mama, I’m 34! Most importantly, if I am gay Mama, will God still love me?
Squeaky Clean in West Hollywood
My Dearest Squeaky Clean,
Since your Mom must be shy about this, let Mama be the one to break the news to you….honey you are queer! Now, this is not a problem, you capisce? People are born all kinda ways, you know? I mean you sound like an ok guy to me. I know you are clean cuz it seems like you shower alot, this is very good. And you are sweet to let your friend Todd sleep over all the time. Is he homeless or just hung, honey? Ha Ha Ha. Oh Mama made an off colored joke at your expense, doll. Hope you’re ok with that, but it was funny right? Ok back to business…. your most important concern. Does God love you anyway? Are you crazy?? Of course God loves you! If he didn’t love you would he have made you so damn handsome? ( Oh, thanks for the picture, baby, it’s on my fridge) So, are we good with this? No worries, have fun, love people,
even if they’re men AND BE SAFE, (if you know what I mean).
Butterfly Kisses,
Mama
Mama Q #2
Thursday, September 18th, 2008
Dear Mama,
My bridesmaid told me to write you, she said you would know what to do. Mama this is serious…..I am getting married a week from Sunday and I can’t fit into my wedding dress! I love to cook for my fiance but I always end up eating too much, even when I try not too. Now , I’m going crazy!!! My parents spent a fortune for my dress and my seamstress says she can’t take it out anymore. Mama, what am I going to do?
“Blown Up” in Encino
Dear Blown Up,
Baby, calm down….this happens to many brides to be especially if they like pasta. Don’t worry Mama will help you. First, you buy a piece of chicken. Leave it out over night and don’t wash it (very important) Then cook it a little, make sure it’s still pink on the inside. Now eat it. In no time at all, you will be pukin’ from both ends (if you know what I mean). I know this works cuz Mama had to do the same thing one time. You won’t be able to eat nothing for 5 days……I promise. Plus anything you ate 2 days before….gone too. Anyway, I guarantee you will lose 10 lbs! So, problem solved, right? As soon as the color comes back to your face you will make a beautiful bride. Makes me wanna cry just to think about it, Mama loves weddings. You’re welcome honey, God Bless You.
Mama 
Mama Q #1
Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
Dear Mama,
What should I do? My boyfriend just paid for my boob job and now he says that my “tatas” belong to him forever! Mama, this makes me kinda uncomfortable. I mean I love the guy, but what if we break up? Does he still get get to come over and feel me up anytime he wants? If we don’t get married, should I think about making him Godfather to my first born, so if he wants to feel me up, you know, it’s not so weird? Thank you Mama for helping me decide the best thing to do. God Bless.
Beautiful Boobs, LV
Dear Beautiful Boobs,
Thank you for allowing Mama to help you with this. First of all, the Godfather idea….honey, good idea but it won’t work. Ask Mama some other time why and I will share my own personal experience with you. This is not the problem that you think it is. OK, here’s what you do, marry this guy. Have a coupla kids too.
You know, so your boobies get kinda saggy. If you are married to him he will eventually get tired of you and your boobs. And when he does, he will find a mistress and will buy her new boobs……bang, you’re off the hook. By the way honey, when you leave him take him for everything he’s got. That is just a an extra little tip for you. God bless you.
MAMA
Have no fear my little ones.. Mama is here!!
Sunday, September 7th, 2008
Hi babies…..
This is Mama M and I am here for you! I have done it all and I have seen it all…..so if you got something goin’ on and you need some advise from an expert (the subject doesn’t matter honey….been there) drop me a line and I will get back to you and you will feel better capisce? My lips are sealed……I will never reveal your true identity, unless you piss me off! I’m kidding, I’m kidding……
Come and talk to me, we’ll fix it together bambini.
Love,
Mama
