I’m seriously loving these guys and particulary Charles Kelley…yummy!

If you’re into country, check out Lady Antebellum….

Hey ROQ,
in response to your post on facebook, I was just having this conversation two weeks ago with my best friend, Sharyn. I was saying how I miss being someone else’s “one and only” and how it seems to have gotten so much more difficult to find someone you can begin to connect with on that level.

Mostly, I think (and I could be wrong) that people just aren’t honest with themselves about who they really are at their core and want they want and need in life. For example, if you know you’re a free spirit and won’t be satisfied in a long term monogamous relationship, then don’t get involved with someone who’s looking for exactly that. On the other hand, if you’re a person looking for security and stability in a relationship, then you shouldn’t invest your time and efforts into someone who has no interest in being “tied down.”

It’s up to us to sit down and have a real “heart to heart” with ourselves to define what we value and need to keep us independently happy before we venture out to look for what we’d like to find in someone else. Speaking from personal experience, it’s taken me this long to come to these realizations. I spent 5 years with someone who I wanted to marry and have children with, who told me from day one that this was not what she had planned for her future. We are still good friends to this day but what I learned is that you can’t alter a person’s perceived destiny in life. Instead, no matter how much you like or what them to be the “one”, you have to let them pass on by in order to recognize the person who’s traveling on the same path next to you that never noticed before.

One of the biggest things I’ve had to learn is patience. I’ve always said, “you have to be a man in your own life first, before you can even think about being a man in someone else’s.” It takes self-control and self-awareness to hold back from getting involved in a relationship when you know you aren’t ready yet, even when you’re pretty close. Each of us has a two sets of standards for what we look for in someone else; that which we “want” and that which we “cannot be without.” You have to come to the table with the characteristics essential to that specific woman’s happiness already ingrained in who you are, and NOT offer her promises about the “man” you will one day become.

It’s not easy to admit to your shortcomings and to be completely honest about who you are which is why I think most people avoid it. It’s scary to be transparent when you’re hoping to impress someone new, but what I tell people is “the farther away you get from revealing your “true self”, the less there is of “the real you” for a person to know and love.”

I wrote this with the intention of letting you know how I see you. I see you as a woman who has had the “heart to heart” with herself, who is very comfortable in her own skin, and honest about her needs and who she is. I think it’s unfortunate that you haven’t come across someone who is as upfront about themselves as you are. Not unfortunate for you but unfortunate for the unlucky bastard’s who were unable to recognize the value of a good woman, like yourself. From one friend to another, never reevaluate yourself when someone else is blind to the great qualities you possess because as “first impressions” go, you are “impressive” on many diverse levels.

Chris you’re a wise, wise man. Thank you for your kind words. You always know how to make me feel better when the chips are down and out. You’re the BEST!

I like boys, I can’t help it. One’s of legal age of course.

For the most part of my life I’ve ALWAYS dated younger.

Some good experiences and some well…not so good.

The few times I have dated older were good times, but still i prefer the young.

The younger one’s that know how to fuck!

The younger one’s that keep me guessing just enough…mmmm

I LIKE BOYS!

I just got off of bbm (blackberry messenger) with a friend of mine and i was inspired to write this blog. The text-versation began with me questioning how his love life was going, and if there were any potential gf prospects. He countered with “I’ve been somewhat dating this chick, but i feel that she’s taking it more serious than i want to…” I can almost always decipher the subtext of this statement. What he’s really saying is..”I’m still searching for that perfect mythical woman, and if i commit to this one for right now I might just miss her.” To help him understand his mixed feelings a bit more, I decided to dig in a little deeper into his psyche to find the core of his real issue.

It was obvious the girl was feeling him. He agreed that she was total wifey material. And to quote him “She has ALL the RIGHT things.” But for some reason unbenounced to him, it wasn’t there for him. I’ve heard this before many times, and more often then not, falling from MY mouth. A perfect example of this comes from the movie “500 Days of Summer”,. I’ve been Summer, and I’ve been dude. It sucks on both sides. If you don’t know what I’m talking about go and rent the movie, art imitating life at it’s best.

Feeling for this poor girl, I asked him why he was still holding on? Why hadn’t he cut her loose if he knew he was having these feelings? He replied, “Well it’s only been a month.” “Only been a month?” I thought to myself, “Wow!” and he had already come to the conclusion that it wasn’t going to work. Then the thought occurred to me, like a beacon of light on a foggy, dark night, and also because I had been thinking about this very thing prior to our text-versation, see woman are more in touch with their feelings. We usually know that we want to be with someone way before they even do. It’s takes men a lot longer to come around, a lot longer to let down their guard, and a lot longer to fall in love. And sometimes a guy will fuck it up or break it off before they even realize this truth.  And by then we’re usually over it or have already moved on, just the nature of the beast. Speed up a little and maybe she’ll slow down. And that’s what i shared with him.

He then back tracked and said he wanted to take things slower with her, slam on the brakes to wait to see how things evolved, but every time he pushed, she pulled and her reaching turned him off. So was it her and her feelings for him that scared the ish outta him or was it the thought of “settling” for something and someone he wasn’t sure he wanted that had him perplexed? Yes indeed a sad situation, yet a common one. When we feel someone pulling away we reach for them hoping that if we get a good grasp on them they will stay, never true. Her mistake, I agree, but his mistake for not communicating what was going on with him. I told him to take his time and not to totally pull away,  after all he could be sabotaging a great thing.

Men “OPEN UR FUCKING MOUTHS!”  FYI, I think many relationships end needlessly due to the lack of honest communication. Give the other person the god damn choice!  If you want to date other people then date other people but be honest about it, and don’t get pissed if we do the same. You can’t have your cake and eat it too…know wha i’m sayn? I believe that this type of dishonesty is bred from fear. Fear of losing this person whether you like them or not (not fair), that if you tell them the truth most likely they’ll leave (some will), but i also guarantee that some will stay and wait for you to figure shit out (if they really care), and respect you in the process for giving them the choice by stating the truth.

The conversation then turned to “settling” and what it meant to him and perhaps to other people. He said he felt like his friends had settled and weren’t happy in their current relationships, I called Bullshit! People use the term “settling” way too loosely. I don’t believe people “settle”. I believe they just settle down that’s all. It has a lot to do with timing, maturity, and frame of mind. I do believe that there are deal breakers though, like religion, children, and psychological baggage. There is no such thing as “settling”.  Then the question arose…Is the grass truly greener on the other side, or is it more about wanting what we can’t have?

What would happen if we wanted exactly what we had? Wouldn’t our life be easier? We wouldn’t constantly be looking over our shoulder, Nothing would be disposable, not even people. We’re in a constant state of want, that when we finally obtain the object of our desires the rush is gone, the euphoria passes and we’re on to the next, chasing the dragon that never existed in the first place and leaving their carcases behind us. It’s the school of bigger, better, more. We do it with our material possessions, cars, compu’s, clothes, I just can’t believe that we do it with people too. That’s sad. I believe the only way to conquer this tragedy is to go inward. If you’re constantly pursuing something you’re never going to have anything. The grass is never greener on the other side, it’s just…different. We need to learn to love what we got, focus on the great qualities that individual does possess not the lack there of, and then maybe you can enjoy them and be in the moment, and actually allow yourself to fall in love and be loved back! I hope you get through it A! Your a good guy!

More often then not, I find that me, my girlfriends, and well women in general are caught up in this romantic idea of what love is or is suppose to be. My thoughts are that this comes from the strong influence of Disney movies and fairy tales with happy endings. As we age we find that there is no Prince Charming, no castles, and no true love. People come in and out of our lives, they serve us a purpose as we serve them and then the cycle begins again and one day we hope we can be happy. This song for me, is about that very thing, a disillusioned little girl growing up believing in fairytales and then slowly evolving to realize that they dont exist and never did, Hence the lyrics “bury the castle”…

BRICK BY BORING BRICK
She lives in a fairy tale
Somewhere too far for us to find
Forgotten the taste and smell
Of the world that she’s left behind
It’s all about the exposure the lens I told her
The angles were all wrong now
She’s ripping wings off of butterflies
keep your feet on the ground
when your head’s in the clouds
Well go get your shovel
And we’ll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Well go get your shovel
And we’ll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle; bury the castle
Ba da ba ba da ba ba ha
So one day he found her crying
Coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest you can figure out
But it was a trick
And the clock struck 12
Well make sure to build your house brick by boring brick
or the wolves gonna blow it down
keep your feet on the ground
when your head’s in the clouds
Well go get your shovel
And we’ll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic
If it’s not real
You can’t hold it in your hand
You can’t feel it with your heart
And I won’t believe it
But if it’s true
You can see it with your eyes
Or even in the dark
And that’s where I want to be, yeah
Go get your shovel
We’ll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Guys x2:
ba da ba ba da da ba da……
Hayley x2:
ba da ba ba da ba ba da…..

Follow along…

I’m feeling alot today. It’s one of those days that all i want to do is listen to music, and constantly check in with myself to see how I’M feeling. I try to talk myself outta the pain convincing myself that it’ll be better soon, that there’s something better around the corner, and while i know that in my heart, cuz time after time it has been proven true, i can’t help but feel sad, mad, fucking pissed off, hurt, deceived. I go over shit in my mind and i wonder how i didnt see it before, even though i did, i just didnt want to admit it. I’m a smart girl that falls for stupid guys over and over again. I’m too intense one told me. The other wants to remain friends…really, seriously? wtf?

I feel this way today, i’m not sure i’ll feel like this tomarrow or next week but right now i feel like poop. it never ceases to amaze me how much we as humans need and long to love and be loved. I  just want Love, real true honest Love! I want that feeling, i want to be felt that way about mutually. I’m holding out for nothing but that. I gave up a great, great man to go and find this feeling, so i better find it, i’m not giving up!

i forgive her for being manipulative, i can forgive. i forgive myself for letting my guard down, you have to risk. i forgive him for being stupid, all because i have to cuz in the end the only one it hurts is me. i have to get this out, i have to. I seriously feel like i grown a tough skin, like my heart has become calloused from all the times it’s been nicked, and bruised. The scars have created a casing an impenetrable one, where not even the most significant jolt can jostle it. I’m finally, totally, and utterly Numb…

Hope i didnt depress yall, I visited my boy’s blog and he turned me on to this dude, check him out.

Thx Shane for making me laugh, and thx Airto for the cover…love it!

I’M SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS FILM. IT FUSES MY TWO GREATEST LOVES TOGETHER SINGING AND ACTING. THIS IS THE KINDA OF ISH THAT KEEPS ME GOING IN THIS BUSINESS. I’M READY FOR MY CLOSE UP, I’M PUTTING IN ALL THE NECESSARY WORK! ALL DISTRACTIONS ASIDE. “NINE” IS A SERIOUS INSPIRATION OF WHERE PERSERVERANCE AND HARD WORK CAN GET U. ALL THESE OSCAR WINNING ACTORS HAVE THAT IN COMMON. AND YES I WILL BE THE WEIRDO IN FRONT OF THE THEATER ON XMAS MORNING BY MYSELF WAITING TO SEE THIS FLICK, IN THE MIDDLE ROW STUDYING ALL THE NUIANSES, LEARNING AND TAKING IN THE CHARACTERS. DANIEL DAY LEWIS IS THE SHIT! MY GOAL…TO B APART OF THE FUTURE CAST ON BROADWAY….I CAN’T F’N WAIT!

This one goes out to my girl Ms.KG! Do ur thing Beotch!

My Boy Robin just did this song with Leighton Meister, not sure if he wrote and produced it or not (even though i’m pretty sure he did) but it’s sexy as hell. He’s looking as HOT as ever and Leighton reminds me of a lil’ Gwen Stephani. Do your thing Guys! I love it!

OK SO THE VERDICT IS IN…..NEW MOON WAS A HIT. I LOVED IT! BETTER THIS TIME AROUND. THEY FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT OR AT LEAST PRODUCER CHRIS WEITZ GOT IT RIGHT. IT WAS TRUE N ACCURATE TO THE BOOK, EVEN THOUGH THEY STILL CUT OUT BITS AND PIECES I DIDNT MISS ANY OF IT!!! I SAY RUN DONT WALK TO SEE IT! BUT STILL READ THE BOOK PEEPS IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY. IT HELPS!

OH N BTW, TAYLOR LAUTNER, NICE ABS…! I’M NOT REALLY INTO HIS FACE BUT GOD DAMN BOY! KEEP UP THE AB WORK! HOLY SHIT! LOL