Why has it become SO ok for people to not feel? Why do some people NOT have the common decency to show the same respect you show to them? I’m currently battling with these very questions, questioning my self if I even have a right to feel like this or if it’s even worth it.

Is it wrong that I feel too much? Is it wrong that I express those feelings out loud? Should I hold back and swallow them like bitter little pills and hope and pray that eventually they’ll make me numb inside…like “them”?

You can’t make someone feel something they don’t or treat you with the same respect that you treat them with. I’ve learned that…the hard way but I won’t change. You can’t make someone tell you the truth. You’ll just be disappointed when you catch them in a lie or in my case several lies. You can’t ever be too cautious with your heart. I’ve experimented with both, giving it all and just giving a little, and lost equally. I’m convinced that there is no fucking formula. You can’t win in this game we called “LOVE” but you continue to play hoping and having faith that eventually you do win one day and there in lies the disappointment. But is it better to have love and lost then to never have loved at all? I’m usually an optimist but now I’m leaning towards the later.

Unrequited love…it’s the worst. At least with mutual love you know how that person feels, you’ve gotten a chance to try it out, put it on, and see how it feels and you’ve both come to the conclution through actions or communication that it’s not meant to be, you can go your own ways, you can close that door amicably. But with unrequited love there’s an open wound that never gets closed, answers that you may never have, and the burn continues to burn for what feels like a lifetime. The only thing that one can hope for is that there’s a reason for it all.

I’ve learned over and over again that emotions and feelings scare people especially when they’re not ready for them or when the feelings are unwanted and unreciprocated. I’ve learned that it’s best to not say anything at all because that’s a whole can of worms that doesn’t need opening but I still do it expecting a different result. I have a desperate need to voice my opinion about things and to get on with the “ripping off of the band-aid.” I guess I have a tendency to pick men that are “emotionally unavailable”. I can’t help myself. I have some sort of “emotionally unavailable” magnet and they all flock to me. I must say that I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting them out and quickly dismissing them but every once in a while I get caught slipping.

I’ve also learned that people have agendas and will do almost anything to not have those agendas revealed because the truth is just not as interesting or alluring as the lie and if they actually told the truth you’d be out the door faster then they could finish a sentence. So ya I get it, I’m not dense but COME ON…When will we grow up and be honest with one another? Or is honestly just too boring?

I may never have the answers to these questions so for now I’m just left with “I feel too much!”

I love this video even tho the song reminds me of Madonna ” La Isla Bonita” I think Gaga put a unique twist to it, and plus the guys are f’n HOT!

I’m writing again and I’m loving it. I’m thinking of creative ways to say the same old trite things. It’s fun, it’s challenging…

I heard this song and the lyrics are super creative, a different way of saying the same trite thing, get me drift!

Enjoy

We all do it whether we like to admit it or not, we all recycle. I’m not talking about saving your plastic water bottles or aluminum cans for 5 cents a piece. I’m talking about recycling men.  No matter how independent we become as individuals we always remain dependent on some form of companionship. No one likes to be totally and utterly alone, including me, so we all can fall prey to reaching back in our memory AND cell phones to the fallen relationships, the unclosed chapters, and the whoever will respond first for a quick ego fix.

It’s a bit different in my case. In my case, I feel, that I’m the one that’s being recycled. I’m the one that’s been chosen to fall into a heavy rotation like the same songs on the radio getting played once an hour, someone makes an attempt at playing me once a month. They always come back. For whatever the reason is they always come back. And since there’s no one new, just at this moment, I’ll respond to a text, email, or phone call. Obviously if I had met my Prince Charming in their interm I would have ignored anyone’s attempt at a reunion but since I haven’t I keep an open mind and wait to listen to the lame excuse as to why they skipped out or why we slipped away in the first place, or frankly why they are a such a non-comittal “douchetard.

I’m not going to deny that both parties get something out of it, there’s a reason for the madness, one is we both get to fill a momentary void with someone we’re comfortable with and another reason is we both receive an ego boost and a confirmation as to why we’re so wonderful but perhaps so wrong for each other and for you ladies…a free meal and drinks isn’t that bad either.

As long as you keep in mind what and who you really want in your life and you don’t fall back into a stagnant relationship that has no hope of going ANYWHERE, I don’t see a problem with it. Company is practice for the real thing. Keep recycling until you get recycled out because eventually you might find yourself in a great relationship.

Since I was a little girl I’ve always had a fondness for the World Cup. It brings back fond memories of family get togethers where we ate choripan’s and entrana and shouted “GOAL” from the top of our lungs. The World Cup is so much more to me then a just a soccer game. It’s a feeling of nostalgia. It’s a knowing

I remember four years ago going by my cousin’s restaurant to watch the game with a few what seemed like hundreds of Argentinians. We stuffed ourselves into a room the size of bathtub, squeezed chairs into tables that were meant for only 4 people and we all turned our faces and chairs in the same direction…towards the flat screens located above the bar. We drank Quilmes and red wine and ate canaloni’s, gnocchi, and every piece of meat that warmed on the mini bbq’s that were scattered across our tables. We screamed out load at the ref’s unfair calls and cheered at all attempted goals. These times were always good times. And at 7am this past Saturday I was there in the very same place with the very same people cheering on our country and celebrating our nation’s pride…Lionel Mesi…lol And coming this Thursday I will be there again and every day after that my country is playing until the finals.

The last time Argentina won the World Cup was in 1986. I was 8 yrs old. I don’t remember much from that day so long ago so hopefully at 31 they will win one more time so that I can partake in Argentian History.

To me the World Cup means family, life, and many more GOALS to achieve!

“Viva ARGENTINA!”

Through out the years I’ve realized that men have their own very unique language and while more often than not it’s in plain English “we” as woman often fail to understand it.

Perhaps it’s because we want to actually be hearing something else. Maybe it’s because we just don’t want to hear what they’re really “trying” to tell us.

I thought about this all last night while sitting across from an “ex”. Somehow we got on the topic of why we weren’t together, why it didn’t work? And all he could come up with was….

“I just don’t want a girlfriend right now.” which translates to…”I just didn’t want YOU to be my girlfriend.”

“I’m not ready for anything serious yet.”….translation….”I still want to fuck everything in sight including you if you’ll let me get away with it. Just hang tight.”

“It wasn’t you. I think you’re beautiful. It was me.”…translation…”It was you but I would never actually tell you that cuz I still want to keep you around as an option. Just in case I get horny and no one else is around.”

And my personal favorite…”Come over and watch a movie.”…translation…”I don’t really want to spend money on taking you to dinner so why don’t you just come over and let me fuck you.”

There’s more of these, there’s many more and as I come across them I’ll bestow them unto you.

That concludes today’s ….”MEN PHONICS”.

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN ONE PERSON FEELS SOMETHING SO INTENSELY THE OTHER DOESN’T? I JUST DON’T GET IT. AND TRUST ME I’VE TRIED.

I TRIED TO LOVE THEM, I TRIED TO FIX THEM, I TRIED TO GET THEM TO LOVE ME.

I’VE READ WOMEN’S MAG’S, DATING BOOKS, AND LISTENED TO DR. LAURA.

I’VE MANIPULATED. I’VE LIED. I’VE BEEN TOTALLY HONEST. I’VE BEEN TOTALLY VONREBLE.

I’VE HELD OUT, I’VE GIVEN IN. I’VE SAID FUCK THE RULES AND JUST WENT WITH THE FLOW.

I’VE REALIZED THAT THERE’S JUST NO…

THERE IS NO F’N FORMULA.

I KEEP WAITING FOR IT TO HAPPEN. I OCCUPY MY TIME WITH SCHOOL AND WORK. I TALK MYSELF OUT OF WANTING IT AT ALL. I TELL MYSELF THAT I DON’T NEED IT THAT I’D RATHER BE ALONE. BUT THEN I MEET SOMEONE AND I CONVINCE MYSELF THIS IS DIFFERENT OR I TELL MYSELF THAT I CAN CONTROL MY FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AND NOT SHOW TOO MUCH AND ACT LIKE A BITCH CUZ FOR SOME REASON MEN RESPOND TO BITCHES. I CONVINCE MYSELF THAT THIS TIME MAYBE HE’S “THE ONE” AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN…HE’S NOT! AND HERE I AM AGAIN, BLOGGING, CRYING AND POSTING SAPPY VIDEO’S…WELL AT LEAST I HAVE AN OUTLET RIGHT.

I CAN’T LIVE IN THE GREY. I HATE THE GREY. BLACK OR WHITE OR NOTHING AT ALL. JUST NO MORE GREY.

IT’S A MIDDLE COLOR. IT’S THE COLOR OF A CLOUDY DAY, GREY KEEPS OUT THE SUN. GREY HAS NO FEELINGS, GREY;S AMBIVALENT. GREY’S SWITZERLAND.

Does love exist?

I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist, but I’ve never honestly experienced it, well at least not mutually.

I watched a movie the other night, “Dear John”. A quick synopsis, it’s about two kids that meet during Spring Break and fall in love.

Their love was so innocent and squeaky new. They only saw each other. They only wanted each other.

I don’t feel at this point in my life that I will ever experience that. I’m jaded. I have major luggage. I’m pickier than ever before.

I try to keep an open mind. I’ve tried dating “The nice guy” hoping that I’d “fall” into love. It didn’t work.

I’ve tried dating the broke guy, it didn’t work.

I’ve done long distance…it faded.

I’ve tried Match.com…never again.

I’m out of options…

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No matter what I do,
No matter where I go
All I continue to hear are stories about MEN being….
DOUCHEBAGS!
WHY must you feel that you need to get a piece from every ass on Earth?
Will one girl/woman EVER be enough for you?
I go out with guys on dates.
It always starts out the same.
They make plans. We go to a nice place. We have a good time.
They try to get laid. They get denied. They never call.
So thanks for the free meal/snacks/drinks!
Thanks for not wasting my time!
I’m over it, like super over it.

(These guys are gross…but mind you, DB’s come in all shapes, races, and sizes…)
I’ll be single, sucessful, and adopt.

I don’t need a penis to make me happy.

I got the rabbit!

This girl has been through so my diversity, grew up in the Philipinnes in poverty, and had to sing for her supper literally and overcame it all to achieve her dream. This proves that dreams really do come true!

She is a talent to be rekoned with, she sings from her heart and moves me to tears with her talent. U go girl!